Messy

Reflections on facing the blank page.

Cruising up the freeway, it was 85 degrees and sunny with a smattering of clouds.

I was on a well-traveled road, but the evening’s trip marked a finality I’d only previously struggled to grasp.

With the cityscape dimming behind me, a reality was setting in.

The familiar route I’d been on for most of my adult life reached its culmination.

Interrupting the whizz of cars going by and the familiar hum of my SUV barreling toward home, I prompted Siri to activate a call.

It was a brief exchange of gratitude, but the weight of the moment caught up to me.

As I bid farewell, I choked up, barely able to say goodbye.

Tapping the red end-call icon on CarPlay, I found myself feeling self-conscious of the way my voice quivered to close the conversation.

While initially embarrassed, it was the result of my heart and mind in concert—I truly loved the path I had been on and worked hard to do it well.

It was a genuine expression of grief for what had been an incredibly enriching and dynamic chapter of my life, allowing me to carry out childhood dreams of being in the NBA.

While my craft was in the front office, rather than playing like I first aspired, being a part of the game and advocating on its behalf for so long was an absolute blessing, and I remain forever grateful for the experience.

As traffic narrowed and familiar landmarks drifted by, however, the drive also marked progression toward a new, wide-open chapter. One I was ready to meet and eager to begin.

Looking at the blank page of the future in front of me, I knew I had 20 seasons of professional evidence plus two decades of prior life experience to ground me. But it was clear I’d need to evolve, adapt, and take endless steps into the great unknown.

Now, 365 days post valediction, an enduring unlock for my growth has been taming my age-old associate, perfection.

Rather than chasing and expecting a linear chain of events to reveal the plot, I’ve embraced the composition like one of my child’s abstract works of art—valuing it for its originality.

By welcoming the messiness, it’s freed me to explore more, fear less, and endure road bumps as part of the growth process. As bestselling author Brad Stulberg underscores in his book “Master of Change,” life is a continual sequence of order, disorder, reorder.

So a year into the unchartered expanse, I’m rooted in a simple approach—both mentally and practically—to remain accountable to progress. Unsurprisingly, it correlates to the most effective way to show up as a father, too.

As Katherine Reynolds Lewis details in “The Good News About Bad Behavior,” authoritative parenting, which is anchored in clear, firm boundaries coupled with empathy, elicits the best outcomes for kids.

By holding myself to the same framework, it’s given me structure and grace as I navigate the adventure of a lifetime one scene at a time.